Run DMT

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When women become pregnant, we experience the most remarkable changes to our bodies during our gestational period, such as expanding rib cages, a widening of the nose, lovely liver spots and particularly, pregnancy nose.  Prior to today, men have been unable to relate to pregnant women who simply sniff odors on the other side of the hemisphere and become violently ill.  However, pregnant women everywhere can now rest easy as I have finally found a concrete example to help us explain this phenomenon in terms a man can understand.

During my short time running, I have rediscovered pregnancy nose.  It must have something to do with the heavy breathing and panting (Go ahead and giggle and then get your mind out of the gutters, please.) that forces my nose to work overtime.  While running, my super snout will smell everything and anything, which then causes me to be completely repulsed by all the odors, just like when I was pregnant. 

For example, I can name the neighbor smoking cancer sticks on his back porch, although I am still working on detecting the brands.  Other neighbors nauseate me with moth balls in their yards to protect against pesky armadillos.  If I get a whiff of bacon browning on a griddle, it causes me to crave pancakes.  Exhaust fumes from cars and heavy construction vehicles two blocks over choke me.  Unclaimed piles of dog dung will bung up my supply of fresh air.   Stagnant swamp water and decomposing vegetation causes me to become queasy.

In summary, running may cause pregnancy nose, therefore please take appropriate safety measures when running.  Unfortunately, holding your nose may be your only defense.

This concludes your Run DMT public service announcement.  Please forward this along to all pregnant women and expecting fathers uninformed men to further educate the public on this matter.