“Why am I doing this?” I pondered over the red wine swirling around in my beloved Haunted Mansion goblet, a treasured souvenir from Magic Kingdom.

“Drink up witches” and other punderful Halloween word art plastered my walls as I slowly got plastered myself. I partook in the Halloween festivities by BOOzing it up, like I always did. As we handed out candy to kids trick-or-treating. Red wine was my usual Halloween treat, which always paired well with Twix and Musketeers mini candy bars. We even handed out adult beverages to the trick-or-treaters accompanying parents.

In previous years, I had been the mom carrying a plastic pumpkin full of wine or pulled a wagon to carry adult beverages along with the kids overflowing candy haul. I loved consuming the Jello shots and other adult refreshments my neighborhoods offered us.

But this particular Halloween, I was done. I wasn’t enjoying myself. An uncomfortable feeling filled me as I pretended to enjoy what would be my last glass of wine. 

You see, after three months on HRT, I started to feel better. Sleep better. 

After all, as a fitness influencer and group fitness instructor, I fully understand the importance of a good night’s sleep. After a year of feeling miserable (thanks in part to menopause), I finally had some relief. I felt amazing honestly, like I discovered the fountain of youth.

But my drinking habits would disrupt my beauty sleep and restful REM slumber. As much as I love a good glass of wine (or two or a whole bottle), I always regretted it the next day. Even one glass would ruin my sleep. 

So, on this particular Halloween night, I knew it was time to face the bone-chilling truth: I had an unhealthy relationship with wine.

At that precise moment, I realized it was time to break up with red wine. This toxic relationship no longer served me. “It’s not you, wine. It’s me. And we’re kidding ourselves if we think we can still be friends.”

As a social drinker, I would become engrossed in great conversation over a glass of wine or pairing a beautiful wine with a gorgeous meal. Or sometimes I allowed myself a glass to help me unwind, but no matter the circumstance, I always regretted my decision. 

I survived COVID lockdown by not becoming an alcoholic while others around the globe drank more. I found the opposite situation. Once things started opening up around my community again, that’s when I began to open the bottles of wine again and drink more.

Whenever I was feeling anxious, I would use the glass of wine to soothe my anxiety. Whatever the celebratory occasion, wine was always the pre-party, the tailgating before the main event.

In that precise moment on October 31, 2023, I resolved to change the narrative. I promised myself to make a decision I would not regret. It was time for a healthy change.

I gave myself permission to take it one day at a time. Start on November 1 and see how far I could make it. After all, November 1 is my oldest adultish child’s birthday and Thanksgiving would be right around the corner. Would I cave into the pressure of drinking? I decided to give myself some grace, if I wanted to enjoy a glass of wine over celebratory occasions/holidays.

So, one day turned into one week and then a week became weeks. During that time, I slept beautifully. I felt rested and more relaxed.

Then, Thanksgiving came and I didn’t feel like drinking. Don’t get me wrong. I sniffed a few of my family members’ glasses of wine, but I just did not feel like drinking. 

I embraced this new found feeling of not missing red wine and every peaceful slumber carried me through the holiday season and the months that followed. Looking back, I find it absolutely remarkable that I did not cave into drinking between the combination of my typical normal every day anxiety and an always stressful holiday season.

Over the months that followed, I found new coping mechanisms for social situations, like bringing my own flavored seltzer waters to gatherings. Fancy flavorful herbal teas from local tea shops helped soothe my soul after stressful days. Super bougie sparkling water, mocktails and non-alcoholic beer became enjoyable alternatives when dining at restaurants. 

Besides not abstaining from alcohol for a year, there are other significant achievements, such as losing belly fat. Without even trying, I dropped a dress size. (Fitness influencer fail: I did not take before and after measurements. You will just have to trust me.) I also lost the bloated feeling and the puffiness in my face. The absence of red wine helped my teeth to become whiter. In fact, a colleague commented on my white teeth just the other day.

But most importantly, after one year sober, what did I learn about myself?

This past year also gave me plenty of time to reflect on my toxic relationship with alcohol and an unhealthy attachment to it. I honestly do not know when drinking became a problem for me. I was never a big drinker in college or when I became a teacher. Sure, I enjoyed social drinking, but I never needed alcohol to cope with life. 

If I had to pinpoint the tipping point, I believe it was somewhere around my late 30s, early 40s in the thick of marathon training. I celebrated finishing a race by drinking with my runner friends. (You would not believe how many races provide a post-race party with alcoholic drinks.) The night before a race, I calmed my nerves with a glass of wine. 

At the same time, I entered perimenopause and my anxiety increased. So, I self-medicated with wine. The stress of parenting, bouts of binge drinking, hormone levels dropping, etc., it contribute to a perfect storm. Once I realized my slippery slope into alcohol addiction, I reflected on a life without alcohol and the truths I learned.

Eight Truths I Learned After I Stopped Drinking Alcohol for One Year

Alcohol hinders my judgment.

That may seem like a pretty obvious lesson to learn, but hear me out. Since I’m not under the haze of alcohol, conversations are clearer. I’m not misreading a person’s tone or taking the bait for what could lead to a heated exchange. I was never an angry drunk, but there have been many times where arguments happened that could have been avoided if alcohol didn’t play a role.

There is no moderation for me.

People (or other big drinkers) often tell me “Everything in moderation”, but the truth is I’ve never been a person to do anything in moderation. I teeter between an all or nothing existence.  If you have been a long time reader of Run DMT, you may remember my marathon maniac days or my half fanatic days. I was an over the top stay-at-home mom on the run blogger who made bucket lists for every season and now as an almost empty nester, my life hasn’t changed. I’m still struggling to maintain an easy pace in my golden years.

In my realization of my relationship with alcohol I also had to come to terms with the fact that there are addictions in my family. Addiction takes all forms whether it’s gambling, eating disorders, sex, drugs, workaholism, or alcoholism. I come from a long line of people who are addicted to the dopamine rush. My family tree is deep-rooted in dopamine chasing and crashes.

Therefore for me, there is no moderation. There is no one and done. One invariably leads to another and then another. How I envy my husband who is definitely a one and done drinker.

It gets easier.

There were days when I craved a drink. Then, there were days I completely forgot about drinking. In the beginning, staying sober was hard; but as days went on, particularly around three months, not drinking became second nature.

I’m sleeping so much better.

Sure, stress still keeps me up at night. That’s just life. But during the day, I try my best to reduce my stress and control the controllables. I practice mindfulness through daily walks and typically that helps when my head hits the pillow at night.

I do not need alcohol to have fun.

I’m here to tell you that you can live a fulfilled, vibrant life without alcohol. My social life has not slowed down since becoming sober. In fact quite the opposite. I have a wonderfully supportive circle of sober friends and family cheering me on and my own Facebook group called “Sobering Thoughts”. I’m still the same funny, crazy, adventurous person with or without alcohol. The biggest difference between “Drunk Denise” and “Sober Denise” is the volume of my speaking voice and a filter that prevents me from saying whatever pops into my brain.

I’m strong.

Through running multiple marathons and lifting weights, I have proven my strength over and over. Running marathons may require physical strength as much as mental fortitude, but nothing will prove your mental strength like the willpower needed to stop drinking.

In The Sober Diaries, Clare Pooley speaks of her nemesis, the wine witch, a voice inside her head that tempts her into drinking. My inner Wine Witch sounds more like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man, taunting me to drink again. “Misery, misery, misery – that’s what you’ve chosen. I offered you friendship, and you spat in my face.”

Or maybe my Wine Witch sounds more like an alien being such as Venom, with an insatiable appetite for wine. “Let the carnage begin. Just one little glass, “What the harm?” 

Whichever character speaks to you Venom or Wine Witch, the impact is the same. There is a voice inside your head creating a dialogue. Being aware of the triggers (lack of sleep, stress, skipping a meal, etc) and how to prevent them will help silence the voice inside your head. 

There will always be triggers.

For me, going cold turkey was the easy part. Unforeseen and unexpected events (also known as triggers) were the obstacles and tricky to navigate.  You see, I could go days without thinking about wine and then while grocery shopping on a late Friday afternoon, I stumbled upon a wine tasting in the supermarket. After all, I live in Florida, home of Margaritaville and it’s always five o’clock here. The tiniest, cutest little plastic glasses taunted me as they glistened under the fluorescent lighting. My heart began to race. My inner Venom voice sneered, “It’s a thimble of wine. What’s the harm?”  The wine sale associate smiled as they offered a thimble of wine for me to try. “No, thank you,” I replied, avoiding eye contact and crumbling inside.

My most recent trigger was Halloween, the very same night that I contemplated giving up alcohol only one year earlier. This year, I decided not to go trick-or-treating to avoid the adult beverage offerings. I was so proud of myself. Trigger managed! 

Sure I had fun hanging out with my friends, but not trick-or-treating felt odd and Halloween hit differently. Halloween has always been a drinking holiday and this year, fancy seltzer water in my Haunted Mansion goblet did not curb the craving for alcohol. Without realizing it, I ate my weight in candy corn as a coping mechanism, because the anxiety caused my body to crave sugar. I was feeling anxious and a bit depressed and my brain needed a dopamine rush.

The morning after Halloween, I woke up with a pounding headache, almost like a hangover. How in the world did I have this pounding pain? Like a CSI detective, I search for clues to determine the root of the cause. “Did I not drink enough water yesterday? Am I just dehydrated? Did I not eat enough food? Did I…..Wait! A minute….THE CANDY CORN!” I realized candy corn was the culprit! I am simply not used to eating fistfuls of sweets. The sheer volume of sugar I consumed caused the headache.

Triggers are inevitable. How you navigate them and cope will be your saving grace. By reducing your stress, remembering to eat (not skip meals or restrict food groups), drink water and take daily walks, can help manage unforeseen situations when they arise.

I can do hard things. 

I think it’s really interesting that people will make excuses for restricting foods in their diet such as not eating bread because bread makes them feel bloated or the way sugar affects their brain, but they never apply the same logic when it comes to restarting their consumption of alcohol. Women will stop eating fruit, carbs or give up all the sweets, but they will never stop drinking.

The mental gymnastics people will do to excuse their need to drink is truly remarkable, but you can’t really blame them. The alcohol has rewired their brain and caused an unhealthy attachment. Plus, we live in a society that celebrates drunk culture at every turn with happy hours, tailgating and binge drinking holidays. 

My father loved his wine. Ten years ago, my father suffered a stroke and then, a few years later, he endured another stroke. Over the next eight years, my family and I watched his cognitive decline. I believe with all my heart that my father’s moderate wine drinking (two drinks a day) caused his stroke. Witnessing my father’s cognitive decline offers me enough motivation and willpower to not want to drink again.

Will you attempt a Sober November in the hopes giving up alcohol becomes a new habit for you?

The big difference between living a sober life and taking on a month-long abstinence from drinking such as Dry January or Sober November is that a sober life is more finite. It’s much easier to stop drinking for a month knowing you can go right back to grabbing a glass of wine than it is going for months or even a year. The good news is you become more proficient in adopting significant coping mechanisms to maintain a sober life long-term.

Many of my friends will take on the Hard 75. Sure, it’s a great challenge to give up drinking for 75 days while incorporating new habits into your routine, however, most people fall right back into binge drinking once the challenge ends. None of the Hard 75 habits become routine or long term habits. 

So, instead of forcing a half dozen new habits into your already busy life, try simply doing one: abstaining from alcohol. In other words, go cold turkey, however, make sure you have a support system around you. Openly, tell your loved one and your friends you are not drinking. 

Make the phrases  “I’m the designated driver tonight” or “I’m just not drinking right now” your go to phrases whenever a colleague or friend offers you a drink. They won’t bat an eye, I promise. When servers at restaurants offer you the cocktail, say proudly, “I’m sober.” It’s such a bold power move. 

If you are struggling, I’m here for you. You can DM me on social media or join my Facebook group, Sobering Thoughts. I also highly recommend an accountability app, such I Am Sober to make a daily pledge, journal your progress and celebrate your milestones.

If you are dealing with some really dark demons during your sober journey, please speak with a professional or find an Alcoholics Anonymous chapter in your area.